"Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things-air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky-all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it."-Cesare Parese
I was working at a doctor's office this past summer in Fort Worth, conducting ABI's (circulation tests) on people, saving up my money for this study abroad trip. I remember what one lady had told me, after I had said I was about to go to France. She said, "honey, whenever you're feeling lost, or stressed, and just needing some calm and peace, go to the water." She said find a fountain, a lake, a river, a spring, whatever you can-There's something about water.
Everyone keeps asking me if I'm loving it here. To be honest, I just feel off kilter. Perhaps it's the culture shock of the first week-the chaos of trying to buy a phone, and not being able to communicate with the vender, the hovering toilettes, the way I pronounced peu (little) like "poo" this whole week, when saying "Je parle un peu Francais." I realize now than ever, why people are so afraid of change and anything unfamiliar. I've always felt extremely open to new things, and mocked those needing absolute answers, straight and narrow plans, and a life with nothing too unordinary. I understand.
There is something exhilarating about it though, far away, every word and sentence a challenge, tension you just have to keep pushing through like thick mud-it almost makes you want to be a little wreckless. It feels as with every step towards this fear, into this challenge, and with every action I'm stretching out of my skin, expanding out of my comfort zone, but really I could do so much better.
Today I plan on just walking around the city by myself, most likely stopping at the beautiful fountain nearby. I would go buy something from the sweet boulangerie owner nearby, but I ate a whole kabob by myself last night. A whole one by myself. I feel as if I'm deserved a free round of drinks at the next pub outing, thank you very much.
-i'll give an update of the week so far later, as well as pictures : D
No comments:
Post a Comment